someday you will be loved,

i'm being stalked. here's the best part, it's not even by a person. death cab for cuite has been following me around ever since i left boston. when i say "following me around" i don't mean a few small coincidences. they're popping up every other song on my ipod when i've only downloaded one of their cds. they're playing in a minuscule shop on a tiny island off of the washington coast when i'm shopping on vacation. i hear them on my pandora radio station that doesn't even relate to death cab. their music video is playing when i walk into the experience music project in downtown seattle, stuck in the middle of jimi hendrix and the beatles songs. the window of our hotel looked out onto a greyhound station. life can imitate art but that's taking it a little far. i settle into the couch today for a buried life marathon (!!!!) and realize that there's at least one song, FROM THAT ONE CD, on each episode.  don't they know what they're doing to me? i'm skipping to different ipod songs, running out of stores, deleting pandora stations, searching for the bathroom at the emp, and keeping the curtains to the hotel windows closed to escape the music. i totally just dealt with the buried life scenario though because it was worth getting to watch every episode in a row without interruption. but really, can't they just give me a break? in any other circumstance this would be a crazy coincidence that i would totally welcome in my otherwise mundane life, but can't it be any other band? every song is a cheap shot sending memories searing through my brain and giving me that sick feeling in my stomach. that one where you feel like you're about to shatter into a million pieces and plummet down through the storm sewer drain that no one likes to walk over in the middle of the sidewalk. i thought i had known this feeling before, but when mixed with just the right dose of the strongest brand of disappointment, it'll hit you like seven hurricanes from pat o'briens in the french quarter and leave you stumbling around in the clothes you'd left the house in the night before. i have not known this feeling before. slowly but surely, i am getting over it. emphasis on the slowly, but also a little emphasis on the surely. i could increase the stress on the surely and decrease it on the slowly if only death cab would decide to leave me alone. only for a little while, would that be okay?

i know that this isn't all going to go away overnight, that years from now i'll hear a death cab song and the little memories will float in, less searing and hopefully more nostalgic this time. i guess i can say that now i'm more prepared for the challenges life has ahead for me, i know a little bit more about people and how they act. i hope that soon i'll really be ready to fall in love, and this time for real.

cheers,

lauren