beach bag happiness

Cayla's really been showing me up with the whole awesome words aspect, so I figured I might as well post some of my writing. This was written while I was waiting for a meeting on a bench under a tree on a sticky afternoon at school, it's unfinished so I'll have to tie up the loose ends.

Does happiness really care where you are? Are you really happier when laying out on the beach with the tide tickling your toes and the sun kissing your face? Maybe, but why? Is it because the sand has seeped into everything imaginable and you got a sunburn even though you reapplied sunscreen every fifteen minutes? Maybe it's because it's because when you're on the beach all that matters is the spot where you get the most sun and whether you can build up the nerve to go talk to that cute lifeguard (maybe next time). Schedules, due dates, traffic jams, annoying co-workers, everything else is as distant as the next shore across the waves. Why can't we pack up this careless feeling into our beach bags with us when we leave the sand and carry at least a little of it into out daily lives? We forget what it's like to appreciate and to love, and we focus on stress and pessimism. Surely we can't do this on purpose. Who would ever want to live so unhappily? Instead of acting and enjoying, we say things like "it must be nice" and "don't you wish". We never find out if it is nice. We always wish, but never do anything to make it happen. What's holding us back? With all the time we waste wishing and complaining, we could be experiencing and appreciating. Can happiness only be found on an overcrowded, sunburnt, dirty beach? Absolutely not. Happiness is not made out of places and things, happiness is made out of moments. When streetlights change in time to the song on the radio, when your dog does something really cute with a sock, when it's just overcast enough to make your chai tea taste especially whimsical. You don't need to over-think happiness, it just happens. As soon as you stop wishing and wanting your time away, the joy will seep from the seams and you'll wonder what was ever so special about the beach anyways. About a month ago, I vowed to stop saying "I wish" and "you're so lucky", and anything along those lines. I've had to stop myself numerous times, because the thoughts come automatically. But it's amazing that once I've stopped the coveting thoughts, what replaces them. I realize the small wonders of my own life, things I've taken for granted in the past that I really treasure. I don't need a sandy beach to make my happiness, I carry it with me in tiny moments that happen unexpectedly everyday. Along with the change came a whole new lifestyle, a little wisp of the carefree beach breeze. I booked a ticket to Boston that leaves two days after my last final. Why? To visit Boston University, a possible transfer for next spring? To see my family and visit a friend? To be completely honest I have no idea why I did it, it was $300 that I had and adventure was calling my name. Who knows the possibilities, what moments are waiting to explode and take flight when I touchdown in Massachusetts. I had a feeling that it was a good idea, that a change of scenery would keep the wishing and wanting thoughts away for a long time. I guess we'll see what happiness has in store.

Cheers,

Lauren